Do you have pet peeves when it comes to words or phrases? Maybe you get annoyed when someone says, “I could care less,” when they mean, “I couldn’t care less.” Maybe you never want to hear “irregardless” ever again because “regardless” is the actual word in question. Maybe you love the slang of your youth but hate current slang.
Or maybe you hate phrases that seem like placeholders that do not really mean anything. Some people feel that way about the phrase, “It is what it is.”
It might seem like this little phrase is just a bit of noise that does little to nothing to advance a conversation. We would like to argue, however, that the phrase, “It is what it is,” actually acknowledges something quite important. To reveal what that is, you just need to replace the pronoun “it” with a noun. That noun is “reality.”
“Reality is what reality is.”
Now, that might still strike you as annoying because it is obviously true, and no one really needs to point it out. However, the reality is (see what we did there?) that far too many people have trouble facing reality.
But facing reality is key to making progress in all kinds of areas in our lives—including when a person is in recovery from a substance use disorder. That is why some kinds of therapy—notably dialectical behavior therapy—lean into the concept of “radical acceptance.”
What Is Radical Acceptance
When you hear the word “radical” to describe something or someone, you might assume that some kind of extreme behavior is being described. A “radical” person, for example, might be committed to a fringe political movement or engaged in new kinds of artistic expression or making breakthroughs in a scientific field.
In the case of “radical acceptance,” however, extremes are not in play. Instead, radical acceptance means accepting reality as it is rather than spending lots of time wishing things were different. This can be a much healthier approach to life—and can help a person in recovery continue to leave drugs or alcohol in their past.
Practicing radical acceptance is similar to employing affirmations as a way to shift your mindset. When you find yourself wishing things were different from what they are, you can lean into some self-talk that focuses on reality.
- “I cannot change what happened in the past—no matter how much I might want to.”
- “I have cravings for drugs or alcohol sometimes—and that doesn’t mean I’m failing at recovery.”
- “Maintaining my recovery is full of challenges—and it is perfectly natural that I need support.”
When you stop wishing the past could be different or that recovery could be easier, you give yourself the chance to disrupt your tendency to judge yourself or to make poor decisions based on denial of the way things really are. Facing reality also helps you be more compassionate to yourself because it frees you from longing for an unreachable perfection. Instead, no matter what challenge you face, you can acknowledge what happened and make a good decision about what to do next.
Depending on the situation, there are almost certainly things you can do next that will shore up your recovery. Those might include:
- Starting or returning to therapy.
- Getting yourself to a recovery meeting.
- Reminding yourself of your collection of coping skills and taking advantage of them.
- Making good choices related to physical and mental health—including eating healthily, sleeping restfully, and exercising regularly (we call these our top three practices in recovery).
- Repairing and building strong and supportive relationships.
An Important Distinction: What Radical Acceptance Is Not
We want to be clear about what radical acceptance is not. It does not include:
- Accepting harmful behaviors
- Falling into an ongoing sense of hopelessness
- Excusing injustice as inevitable
Radical acceptance is about facing reality so you can take positive action. It is not about resigning yourself to a negative situation. Your ability to make good decisions and to make positive changes is enhanced—not limited—by radical acceptance.
Getting Treatment Can Help You Make a Radical Change
When you are struggling with a substance use disorder, it can feel like change is impossible. You might try to give up drugs or alcohol on your own, but withdrawal symptoms are likely to send you scurrying back to the substances. That can make you feel as though you are stuck in a trap. You know you can’t keep using drugs or alcohol, but you also know you cannot stop by yourself.
If you have found yourself in that awful situation, it is time to practice a little radical acceptance about your situation so that you can take positive action. And that positive action should be getting yourself into treatment.
At Wooded Glen Recovery Center—located in Henryville, Indiana—we have the expertise, experience, and empathy necessary to help you leave substances behind. We are also able to address mental health disorders that might be entangled with your substance use disorder.
You do not have to accept the situation in which you find yourself. The team at Wooded Glen Recovery Center is ready and able to help you reclaim your life and your future.